Chef Kawasaki

A rare occasion presented itself before Waluigi, as his next applicant was actually a man of remarkable talent. Today, the applicant sitting across from Waluigi at the table was the venerable Chef Kawasaki.

Waluigi grinned. "I must say, your reputation precedes you, Chef Kawasaki. I am delighted to see that you've taken an interest in my project." He eyed the orange creature carefully. "Though I'll admit I almost didn't recognize you."

Chef Kawasaki was usually dressed with a white apron and a toque, but neither were present today. He looked quite bare and somewhat resembled his erstwhile enemy Kirby, except orange and with larger dimensions.

"Domo," Kawasaki proceeded to say, "But please. Just Kawasaki will suffice, Waluigi-san."

"Hmm, well alright then... Kawasaki. By the way, are you normally dressed like this when you're not in the kitchen?"

Chef Kawasaki glanced from side to side with a furtive expression, watching for unseen onlookers. "Truth be told, I'm trying to rebrand and drop the whole chef thing."

"Oh, my. Now why is that?"

Chef Kawasaki leaned forward and began whispering. "Between you and me, working as a chef for Kirby and King Dedede was absolutely miserable. Kirby-sama and Dedede-sama both never stop eating. And when I don't feel like cooking anymore, Kirby-sama eats me and then cooks for himself just to eat more!"

"I see, I see." Waluigi began stroking his chin. "Well, I'm inclined to offer you a position in our game, but you'll need to pass a few assessments that all applicants must go through first."

"Hai! Sounds good to me."


Wario arrived home after a long day of work, which generally entailed rolling around on the floor for WarioWare games and screaming "Waaaaah." His first stop, naturally, would be the kitchen.

Wario slammed the door to his house open. An unearthly rumble bellowed out from his stomach. "Bro, you in the kitchen? Wario needs some freakin' food, bro!" In a pseudoathletic fashion, Wario hopped around and mimicked throwing around six blue orbs of energy. He then inexplicably held his body with his arms and started shivering.

A heavenly aroma was emanating from the kitchen's direction. Wario made a couple very audible sniffing noises.

Waluigi sighed. "Greetings, brother."

"Bro, that smells hecka good. I want in on whatever that is..."

Wario popped into the kitchen to discover a smorgasbord of gourmet foods. Waluigi was alternating between munching on lamb chops and scooping borscht into his system. Despite his rather lean frame, the man was capable of eating portions tantamount to twice his body mass. Behind the counter, an orange creature was fastidiously and rapidly cooking up more dishes.

"Whoa! Slow down, bro."

Waluigi burped. "Pardon me." Waluigi dabbed his mouth with a napkin.

Wario crossed his arms and began tapping his foot expectantly. "You wanna explain what's going on here, bro? You having a little one-man banquet here without your bro?"

"Ah, you see, I'm administering a, um, mandatory examination before Chef Kawasaki here can be allowed into my project. You know, standard procedure."

Wario scratched his head. "Really, bro? I don't remember you doing this for anyone else."

Chef Kawasaki froze in his tracks. He turned around to Wario, who was watching Waluigi frantically wave his arms.

The chef set down his frying pan. "...Is this true, Wario-san?"

The gears in Wario's head began to turn. "Nah, I was just kidding. This is pretty routine. In fact, part of my bro's examination usually involves making food for his bro as well... Namely, me."

Waluigi was quick to jump on. "Yes, precisely correct! Such a joker."

Kawasaki narrowed his eyes. "...If you say so, Wario-san," he muttered skeptically. He resumed his work.

Waluigi nervously flashed a thumbs up when Kawasaki turned the other way. Wario pulled up a seat next to him.

"You owe me one, bro," Wario whispered. He began wolfing down on some hors d'oeuvres. "Bro, this horse duvet stuff is pretty good!"


Waluigi elected to not correct Wario's abysmal pronunciation and thought about what he wanted to watch later. Adult Swim was coming on soon... He thought about how much he loved Patrick Warburton's voice. He also thought about how he enjoyed reading Hardy Boys and watching Jonny Quest as a youth. That material was rather campy, but was ripe for a nice parody...